Today 7 years ago, the children and I landed in Canada to begin our new lives in North America. My childhood dream was always to visit Disneyland and North America – in particular the USA, a country that always seemed so all-encompassing and exotic compared to South Africa! I realized that dream as a Rotary Exchange student to Idaho the year after I finished school. I travelled with my American family to Disneyland in the summer and loved it so much Mike and I returned on our honeymoon 5 years later. In contrast Erin had visited Euro Disney, Anaheim Disneyland and Hong Kong Disney within her 7 short years - for as a family we had sojourned the world. In December as we poised on top of my brother’s high-rise apartment soaking in the hot-tub and swimming in the infinity pool looking over the city of Hong Kong, I remember telling the children – ‘This is not a normal life; you live a life of extreme privilege. Make sure you appreciate it’. And appreciate it they certainly did!
Our summer holidays have been rich family times of connection, experiences and bonding and I’d count the months down until we launched our next adventure. Over the years with the children we’ve camped our way across Canada from west to east coast and back; explored the interior of our beautiful province and toured China marveling at the ancient wonders of Shanghai, Beijing attending the spectacular Shanghai World Trade Show. We explored Wales with Mamgu, visited Rome and Europe, and attended the 2012 London Olympics. 2 years ago we celebrated Papa’s big birthday in a happy reunion of the Moore family in South Africa, the children’s first game park experience. In between the summer holidays Mexico, Hawaii and San Diego Zoo have offered pleasurable breaks from the rainy Vancouver Spring. Last year, our final summer holiday together, we had an idyllic visit to Eastern Canada and USA – visiting Mike’s Canadian family in Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. We then headed on by train to New York, Washington DC, Boston (and of course to Fenway Park to watch a Red Socks game!) concluding with a tour of Cape Cod. The summer holiday ended with a drive to Yellowstone National Park and Stanley, Idaho, to the wedding of the Rotary Exchange brother with whom I’d visited Disneyland so many years ago.
So in Erin’s absence, our 2015 summer holiday looked bleak. Where was there to go to which didn’t have the haunting memories of our time together as a whole family? And how could we negotiate our way through the summer weeks without our daughter’s enthusiastic exploration of gift shops, admiration of pretty dresses and delighted experimentation of new foods? Our plans for the European battlefields seemed too morbid given our torrid year. So with 10 days before our summer holidays began, we impulsively booked air tickets to Namibia, a country we’d always wanted to visit with the family, and which offered desert, wide-open spaces and a return to our African roots - but most importantly a break from the haunting memories and triggers.
We have journeyed from Windhoek to Swakopmund, along the Skeleton Coast with its ancient shipwrecks to the beauty of Etosha Pan. Our History and Geography lessons came alive in the mining town of Tsumeb, Rehoboth and its basters, and the Sossusvlei sand dunes. Huge families of elephants, springbok, zebras and giraffe have reminded us of the abundance of African wildlife. Camping under the great African sky, we’ve marveled the Southern Cross, the beauty of crystal-clear nights with the stars on our chests and the wide expanses of land stretching as far as the eye can see. Returning to our roots has awakened in us the deep power of Africa, its geography, its people and its enticing mysterious pull.
It has been a profound realisation that although we are two continents removed, we are still intimately connected; the Africa of many years ago has shaped and formed who we are, who we’ve become, and is still deep within our souls. And even though it seems as though that gaping wound of belonging has healed, that we’ve moved on, that we’ve bonded with new countries and cultures, in fact the scar of loss is still there – in our language and idiom, the cultural idiosyncrasies, the magnificent breath-taking landscape and the wonderful people who were part of our daily lives. There is something of ourselves still left behind here which will always remain in this dark, brooding continent. We realise that we can never be completely whole again.
And so it will be with Erin. As time heals, as life moves on, as we reconstitute our lives in very different ways, the huge gap she has left in our lives may gradually close. This summer holiday our South African friends and family, who link our past with our present, have been the sutures of our wound through their compassion and sensitive listening to our story; they are an integral part of our continued healing.
But no matter how we move on, how we reconstitute our family or how time heals, Erin is part of the fabric of who we are, how we view the world and our life history. Deep below the surface of our life experience, no matter how we heal, she has shaped and influenced who we are. We are Erin and she is us, just we are in Africa and Africa is in us. And like seeing the Southern Cross and the all-encompassing African sky again we will be reminded of what once was, what is indescribably beautiful and what we have lost.
Our summer holidays have been rich family times of connection, experiences and bonding and I’d count the months down until we launched our next adventure. Over the years with the children we’ve camped our way across Canada from west to east coast and back; explored the interior of our beautiful province and toured China marveling at the ancient wonders of Shanghai, Beijing attending the spectacular Shanghai World Trade Show. We explored Wales with Mamgu, visited Rome and Europe, and attended the 2012 London Olympics. 2 years ago we celebrated Papa’s big birthday in a happy reunion of the Moore family in South Africa, the children’s first game park experience. In between the summer holidays Mexico, Hawaii and San Diego Zoo have offered pleasurable breaks from the rainy Vancouver Spring. Last year, our final summer holiday together, we had an idyllic visit to Eastern Canada and USA – visiting Mike’s Canadian family in Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. We then headed on by train to New York, Washington DC, Boston (and of course to Fenway Park to watch a Red Socks game!) concluding with a tour of Cape Cod. The summer holiday ended with a drive to Yellowstone National Park and Stanley, Idaho, to the wedding of the Rotary Exchange brother with whom I’d visited Disneyland so many years ago.
So in Erin’s absence, our 2015 summer holiday looked bleak. Where was there to go to which didn’t have the haunting memories of our time together as a whole family? And how could we negotiate our way through the summer weeks without our daughter’s enthusiastic exploration of gift shops, admiration of pretty dresses and delighted experimentation of new foods? Our plans for the European battlefields seemed too morbid given our torrid year. So with 10 days before our summer holidays began, we impulsively booked air tickets to Namibia, a country we’d always wanted to visit with the family, and which offered desert, wide-open spaces and a return to our African roots - but most importantly a break from the haunting memories and triggers.
We have journeyed from Windhoek to Swakopmund, along the Skeleton Coast with its ancient shipwrecks to the beauty of Etosha Pan. Our History and Geography lessons came alive in the mining town of Tsumeb, Rehoboth and its basters, and the Sossusvlei sand dunes. Huge families of elephants, springbok, zebras and giraffe have reminded us of the abundance of African wildlife. Camping under the great African sky, we’ve marveled the Southern Cross, the beauty of crystal-clear nights with the stars on our chests and the wide expanses of land stretching as far as the eye can see. Returning to our roots has awakened in us the deep power of Africa, its geography, its people and its enticing mysterious pull.
It has been a profound realisation that although we are two continents removed, we are still intimately connected; the Africa of many years ago has shaped and formed who we are, who we’ve become, and is still deep within our souls. And even though it seems as though that gaping wound of belonging has healed, that we’ve moved on, that we’ve bonded with new countries and cultures, in fact the scar of loss is still there – in our language and idiom, the cultural idiosyncrasies, the magnificent breath-taking landscape and the wonderful people who were part of our daily lives. There is something of ourselves still left behind here which will always remain in this dark, brooding continent. We realise that we can never be completely whole again.
And so it will be with Erin. As time heals, as life moves on, as we reconstitute our lives in very different ways, the huge gap she has left in our lives may gradually close. This summer holiday our South African friends and family, who link our past with our present, have been the sutures of our wound through their compassion and sensitive listening to our story; they are an integral part of our continued healing.
But no matter how we move on, how we reconstitute our family or how time heals, Erin is part of the fabric of who we are, how we view the world and our life history. Deep below the surface of our life experience, no matter how we heal, she has shaped and influenced who we are. We are Erin and she is us, just we are in Africa and Africa is in us. And like seeing the Southern Cross and the all-encompassing African sky again we will be reminded of what once was, what is indescribably beautiful and what we have lost.