― David Fontana
What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to the mind? Our unity is full of wonder which your tiny individualism cannot even conceive.”
― Ken Levine
Last weekend we had the Furry Creek Community in our home for what has become an annual Christmas celebration. It was a time of community, connection and communion where those who live in this unique and exquisitely beautiful corner of the planet came together for food and fellowship.
During the course of the evening I went downstairs to welcome some guests and observed well over 50 pairs of shoes spread over our large entrance hallway. The static parked shoes provided a beautiful image and a startling metaphor for the different lives, all ages and stages, engaged on such diverse journeys and life experiences. For a brief time they paused on their journey and congregated at our home in togetherness and oneness - before continuing their journey at the end of the evening going their disparate ways.
In negotiating Erin’s loss I have become fascinated by the concept of our interconnectedness. As I reflect on Erin’s life and trace her very presence to the growing in the womb, I am profoundly struck by the realization of how her very short life has been nurtured and bolstered up by hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of people. From the first antenatal appointment and nuchal scan, medical practitioners supported me as I nurtured and supported her. When she made her dramatic swift entrance into the world, specialists monitored her kidney problem diagnosed 20 weeks in utero. When Mike headed to Canada and I returned to work in September, I lovingly bestowed Erin in the care of a child-minder where she was cared for as if she were the carer’s own child. As I placed the mask over Erin’s face to begin to administer the anesthetic before she went for her kidney operation at the age of one, I was so grateful for the compassion of the doctors including me in the process as I entrusted them with the life of my young daughter. And her teachers! From her engaged and nurturing pre-school to the talented and caring French Immersion teachers, she had exceptional educators who shaped her early years. Erin has met over the course of her almost 8 years just about everybody that we know as we’ve travelled the world; our children have been included in every aspect of our lives – work, play, travel and our history. She became who we are.
However, it is not only the immediate people in her life who have cared for her and taught her – it extends far beyond that. Every aspect of her and each of our lives is propped up by people. I am in awe when I reflect on how the food on our tables has been touched by countless lives to get it to our mouths – the growing of the seeds, the reaping of the crops, the milling of the wheat, the baking of the bread, the transportation to the shops, the packing on the shelves and the people checking out our groceries ‘Have a good day!’…and finally Dada making the sandwiches for the now empty Hello Kitty lunch tin - with dents from well-worn use. Every item in our home is touched by the lives of others; every experience we enjoy is shaped by the tiptoe of people through our lives creating our pleasure… What a work of art is man!
We recreate ourselves on a cellular level every 7 years so that we are physically not the people we once were. In the same way every conversation, every interaction shapes and shifts our thinking a fraction, redirecting how we view the world. The broader our experiences, the wider we allow our understanding of culture, worldviews and belief to expand, the more we grow. Each interaction – both positive and negative - each deep conversation redefines who we are. Through our connection you take a part of me, and I take a part of you… We are all connected and shape and become each other. Our souls are continuously in the making until we are gone and we merge into the unfathomable oneness of the great beyond.
And I reflect on this unbearably difficult year just past. Not a week has gone by where a friend hasn’t reached out and asked to visit, to walk, to talk and to come alongside. Almost daily we receive an email or text of support. So much of the communication we have received has been profoundly courageous and deeply sensitive. People have grasped the challenge, have broached the unbroachable, have talked about the unspeakable. Our true friends have ventured where no one in our Western society usually dares venture: to talk about death, about loss, about life’s meaning; to engage honestly with us as we talk about our daughter and what she means to us. We are healing as well as we are because in communicating, in engaging, we have been able to process the horror of our loss, confront it directly and look to the future. Every conversation has provided a little bit of nurturing healing. However, it would be disingenuous to reflect back and account for only that which has been positive. There has been profound hurt, too; where we might most expect support, engagement and compassion – immediate family, religious communities/people – there has been stark nothingness, an empty vacuum as well as some breath-takingly insensitive comments and narrow-minded ‘insights’. And these people have shaped and changed our worldviews, and us too. But overwhelmingly our communities have rallied, raised us up and helped us heal. There has paradoxically been a richness of communion that I have never before experienced as friends, acquaintances, colleagues, family and strangers have each touched our lives and left something of themselves with us.
In considering our inter-connectedness, I have been struck at the impact our family’s journey and our daughter’s life and her loss of life has had on so many. Both outlooks on life and the way lives are lived are changed. We do not always know who reads our blog and who has walked our walk with us from a distance. As we approach the first anniversary of Erin’s accident, I invite you to write a short contribution of how our family and journey or our child’s life has impacted yours. Some of the commentary will form a celebration of her life in this blog (all responses will be anonymous) on the anniversary of Erin’s accident - one year on (and all comments will bear us up!) We’d be grateful for your comments HERE:
I am become a part of you; you become a part of me and reshaped we face the future together.
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Very soon it will be one year since Erin tragic accident. Many have followed our journey on this blog. Perhaps you would like to, once again, reach out and touch the joy that Erin brought.
One year after her accident, we invite you to take a walk to Erin’s Enchanted Forest at 10:30am on Saturday, December 19 in Lion's Bay. We will meet at the top of Oceanview Road (outside #380).
Erin’s Enchanted Forest has become a wonderland of small decorations like colourful toadstools, butterflies, painted rocks and inspirational hangings. On this anniversary walk, walkers are invited to bring and add a colourful Christmas bauble to the Enchanted Forest; this will be a wonderful, happy outing for families and friends - just as Erin would like to be remembered...with verve and joy in the great outdoors.
After the walk please stay for hot soup and rolls. To help with catering, please complete this reply.